As I child I remember staring at myself in the mirror, wishing and hoping I could be somebody else. I was confused and hurt as to why I was having these feelings. I didn’t understand why I felt the way I did. There were no other kids I knew of in the same position as me. I had never known what transgender was, other than Chaz Bono in the media, until I was around 19 years old. That changed when I moved to Victoria, BC. I began meeting all kinds of people; transgender, bisexual, pansexual, lesbian, gay, non-binary, the list goes on. Even with my new found knowledge, I had it in my mind that I could never transition. I told myself I wasn’t strong enough, my family would never accept me, I would never find the courage to do it. I fought this feeling for a couple of years until my depression reached a point that therapy and fitness could not fix. I had reached the point where I couldn’t continue to live in the body I was born in. I couldn’t continue to live a lie and live my life in order to protect the feelings of others. Right then and there I decided I was going to take the risk, for myself and for my life. I was going to medically transition.
Through hours of therapy, hormone readiness assessments and a whole lot of research, I was cleared and ready to embark on a journey that would save my life. On February 26, 2016, I received my first shot of testosterone. I am now almost three years on testosterone, administering my own shots on a weekly basis and never looking back. The amount of gratitude, the amount of fight, the amount of courage I have discovered within is something I thought I would never be able to embody. Still to this day I am in shock and awe of what I am accomplishing.
The hours I’ve spent visualizing my ideal body, my ideal facial features, the way I’d dress if I were born male, has all become a reality. I am now 26 and almost 3 years on testosterone. Over the years I’ve put in hours at the gym, hours of therapy, undergone multiple surgeries, all to create the man I’ve always been on the inside. I’ve fought hard for my body and I will continue to fight. The things that matter most in this lifetime you will fight for; nothing worthwhile comes easy. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my bad days, I still experience dysphoria and depression/anxiety, but now my good days outnumber my bad days. When I stare back in the mirror I see what I’ve always meant to see; I see a man staring back at me, and that is the greatest gift I could ever receive. It is a surreal out of body experience and I feel truly blessed to be able to experience it. Transitioning, and the hardships it brings, is all worth the struggle, it is worth the fight. I promise you if you keep fighting, you will get there too.