February 26th, 2019: 3 Years on Testosterone
February 26th marks the first day of the rest of my life. A day that means more to me than one can ever imagine. Changes continue to happen with every year that goes by. These changes are more than just physical; I wanted to touch base on some of the emotional and mental changes I’ve experienced throughout my transition.
Emotional changes I’ve experienced since starting hormone replacement therapy include:
* The ability to cry: I used to cry all of the time. Tears of anger, tears of sadness, tears of joy. Now I experience this emotional response once or twice a year, if at all. It’s not that I don’t experience sadness, I just respond to that emotion in a different way now. Inability to produce tears are due to the hormonal change. Doesn’t seem to effect me negatively.
*Anger: I was told by doctors and therapists that I would experience anger in a new way and that I may have a short fuse or act out without reason. Luckily I haven’t experienced the short fuse. I am impatient at times, but I’ve always been a tad impatient in certain situations. I also get over being angry quickly, opposed to letting it ruin my entire day as I would in the past.
*Emotional needs: Since being on testosterone, the amount of physical connection I once needed has changed, if that makes sense. I find I don’t need hugs or other forms of human connection as much as I did in the past. I have to remind myself that my partner still needs that connection much more than I do.
*The ability to multitask: Forget multitasking. You can throw that skill out the window once you start T. I used to get annoyed with my dad for his inability to multitask, but now I get it. I still am a little better than he is, but I struggle to complete multiple tasks at time at work and in life in general. I used to have this skill down, but as the years go on, I find myself only truly productive when completing one task at a time.
*Memory: My memory has seemed to have gone down hill since hormone replacement therapy. Maybe that just happens with age and stress, but I struggle to remember key things often. Not sure if this is in direct correlation with testosterone.
*Losing key items: Phone, keys and wallet: Three items I tend to lose on rotation. I never struggled with this before testosterone as I do now.
*Depression/aniexty: Is improving over the years as I gain more confidence and continue to work hard to build my body. I still have my days, but I can bring myself back out after a rough day much sooner than before. I just try to rememeber to take it day by day, each task at a time, so I can lessen the blow of being overwhelmed.
*Tastebuds: I have heard of a change in tastebuds happen to other trans guys. I used to be a salty guy, now I’m sweet. Pickles; once hated now like. Curry/Ethnic foods; once hated, now love. Arugula: Hated; now love. Little food preference changes occured that I thought would never happen.
*Voice: My voice has luckily deepened over the years. I still struggle to project, espeically in a crowd. It is frustrating when trying to talk to someone in a room full of people as I find myself yelling, yet no one can here me. I hope that I can strengthen my vocal cords over the years to come. I tend to lose my voice quite easily now as well as it doesn’t take much to strain it.